Last weekend, I attended my very first (or what I thought was my very first) Tantra workshop.
Well, correction. To be fair, it wasn't marketed as a Tantra workshop, in the whole event description there was only one mention of the word Tantra (& even then that was just the teacher's bio, bahahahah!), & yours truly here got over-excited, LMAO...
What really caught my attention was the opportunity to get in touch with my inner feminine. It was a ladies-only event, & I'd never participated in a ladies-only event like this before.
So...what is my take on the whole experience?
To put it bluntly, I was sorely disappointed. Literally potong stim to the max.
What I really liked was the circle of trust that was built amongst us ladies, even if it was just for that short time. I feel that we women have been taught to compete against each other, to compete in physical appearances, work, to compete for the other sex even! Which to me is just plain BS.
A few weeks back, I joined an online retreat by Sofia Sundari & Samiel Carolina entitled From Ice Queen To Priestess. In it, Samiel told a story of how in the olden days, women used to 'sit around the fire'. Around this fire, they shared their joys & sorrows, trials & tribulations. They supported & nurtured each other. But today, the fire has been lost.
I can attest to this, as I was never one to revel in female company. I've always felt more at home in the company of males. To me, females were just bitchy, self-centered, gossipy beings with some ulterior motive or another.
But of course that isn't always true, as I have come to learn in the recent years.
Back to the workshop.
I really appreciated the opportunity to be in the presence of divine female company, all gathered with the same intention, each holding space for the other.
What was lacking was in no way the fault of the teacher or anything else, but my my own. 'Expectation, the root of all heartache'. Got that right, Shakespeare!
After the workshop, I realized that this isn't the kind of Tantra I am interested in. I don't want to learn how to be sexy, sensual, etc. just to get a man's attention! Homaigot, this struck me like a hammer to the head later that day! I mean, male attention is definitely a plus point, but to me, what I want to learn & experience is the love affair with life (read more in my previous post I Am Tantrika, Hear Me Roar).
You see my self-inflicted predicament, dear friends?
The practice was the same, but the intention was different.
Yes, I want to dance with reckless abandon.
Yes, I want to experience the divine sisterhood.
Yes, I want to celebrate myself.
But I do not want to do all these just to get the attention of the opposite sex.
I am doing it for me.
& what I also realized is that I've been actually attending Tantra sessions for quite some time now! Like during Yoga Teacher Training in Rishikesh, when my fellow coursemates & I would join the Baul mystics almost every night to sing & play music. Make no mistake, there was no sex involved, but the intimacy that we shared during those moments of time; few words spoken, but our souls mingled in the music, in the sounds...homaigot..!
It was a real pity that I could not understand their language, else it would have been more beautiful to understand the lyrics as they were singing. But then again, sometimes words devalue the moment.
& there was no intention there other than to be happy, completely immerse yourself into the music & song, & enjoy!
Truly, a mystic is a mystic. According to him, there is no need for yoga, no need for anything. Just sing & be happy. Just. Live.
It's true. When you are happy, when you are celebrating life; everything else falls in place. Regardless if you are what society thinks is sexy, beautiful, attractive, & whatnot. To create your own bliss, with or without someone with you.
Because, well, fuck that shit, man!
Do you have the guts to be you, in your totality? Regardless of what you have been told, regardless of the consequences, regardless of what is at stake?
So yeah, I was potong stim-ed, but tickled as well.
Because every time something like this happens, one of the first things that immediately comes to mind is the phrase, 'Damn you, bastard!' LMAO!
Because it is this one person who brought all this into my life. That person is probably reading this right now, bahahahahah!
& when I say, 'Damn you, bastard,' I say it with complete love. Yes, a bit of annoyance too, but with a while lotta love.
Because this really is a big problem!!!
Once you have tasted that joy, the 'juiciness', the flavour of life; you will never settle for anything less than that. Not within yourself, not within others.
Once you have experienced that raw energy & happiness in others, nothing else will do. Not even a hot body, not money, not status. Hell, I was just a few minutes ago watching this video of this year's Mr. World contestents; they were supposed to dance & come up front when their country was called........meh. No flavour. Six pack, good bod, nice features; but no enjoyment in their energy. They all came across as fake to me. They were all doing it for fame, for recognition. (Well, what do you expect, Ee Lee, it's the Mr. World competition, like, hel-lo?)
A person is juicy when they are totally in their own unique individual element. A quiet person can be juicy. Someone who loves to attend raves can be juicy. A computer geek can be juicy. What is it you love to do? Go do that & you'll be a helluva juicy person in my books!
However, as with any spiritual practice, there is a catch!
The challenge of a Tantrika is the total opposite of a masochist - to not get attached to this bliss. :P
But at the same time, to place yourself in anything less than a juicy, blissful situation is not worthwhile!
There is a Tantrika in all of us; are you ready to let yours come out & play? ;)